I wanted to share a story with you about something that happened recently. And a question, more specifically, that I got asked a seemingly innocuous question — one that you’ve probably asked before. 

I had signed up recently with a new naturopathic doctor, and I got on a call with her. One of the first questions she asked me was, “How are you?” 

Seemingly innocent enough. I mean, how many times have we asked or been asked that question? I responded with my standard answer, “I’m great.” 

And she said, “No, really? How are you?” 

It made me stop and think the way that she asked it. You see, I had in my intake form filled out the fact that I was someone who had in the past suffered from adrenal fatigue. And what she said to me, really got me to think. 

She said, “How are you, really?” 

All too often, we say we’re ‘good’, we’re ‘great’, and yet we rarely stop to actually listen to what the person we’re asking is saying, or for us to give an honest response about how we really are. 

And she went on to say, “You know, you may feel like you’re good.” 

I paused for a moment to think about it. And I said, “Oh, no, I’m good. I really am good.” 

And she said, “Are you really good? Or are you just not bad?” 

This got me. She said that sometimes we think we’re good because we don’t feel as bad as we used to, or it’s not as bad as it’s been in the past. And so because it’s not as bad, we think we’re better, when in actual fact, we’re still not good. We’re just not bad

Now, think about that for a second, because I had to think about that. It really made me think about how am I really, and is one of the reasons that when I created WORTHY, one of the pillars is all about reflection, and rest — taking the time to actually go inward, the time for self awareness, to ask yourself that question: How am I really? 

It’s something that we often don’t take enough time to think about. For me, in particular, I’m someone who, if I’m being honest, was addicted to struggle. I was addicted to things being hard. I had this thought that if I hadn’t suffered, if I hadn’t had to work so hard for something, then had I really earned it? Did I really deserve it? Sometimes, I would make things hard for myself when really they didn’t need to be. 

So I’m asking myself that question now. “How am I?” 

And I’m adding a new question: “How can I make it easier for myself?” 

Going back to my addiction to struggle, I was also someone who is addicted to ‘I will do it myself’. I was not going to ask for help. Sometimes I would rather have died than ask for help. 

Yes, I know. I’m dramatic. But that’s how I felt. Sometimes we want to punish ourselves. We feel like by extending ourselves, that we are doing good. The fact that we’re subjugating our desires, our wishes, our needs for others, that there’s some sort of badge of honor in that. I’m here to tell you that there isn’t. You don’t get to the end of your life and get an award for having suffered the most. You don’t get to the end of your life and have some sort of prize for being the mom or the dad or the brother or the sister who gave up your wishes to satisfy everybody else who lost yourself in the process of making everybody else happy.

So I want you to make it a part of your every day, really checking in with yourself. 

“How am I, really?” — not allowing yourself to give the automatic answer, “I’m good. I’m great. I’m fantastic,” Check within yourself, “How am I, really?” 

Here are 3 things that I’d love for you to ask yourself:

  • How am I, really? 
  • How can I make this easy? 
  • How can I ask for help? 

Sandra has a podcast episode on this topic in the WORTHY Podcast:

You can also watch it on YouTube: